Some things are tough, and some combinations of things are even tougher.
Being a man who is sexually attracted to other men (in my case, the group of men known as chubs) can be tough. being a sex-addict adds another level of complexity to life. That combined with being a member of the LDS faith can be downright awful.
Part of why that combo is so awful is that you are stuck between worlds. On the one hand, you can’t go to anyone in the church, because you can’t let them know that you feel the way you do. You can’t talk to your gay friends about it, because if you aren’t committed to their cause, you’re denying who you “truly are.”
None of that is really true, but that is certainly how I felt. I was doing things that went against my religion. Those with whom I was doing those things were more than happy to do them with me, since they usually found no wrong in them.
Some of those friends were wonderfully sympathetic, and kind enough to support me in whatever decision I ended up making. Others would immediately break off contact because they felt that I was going against what they believed.
I needed somewhere where I could talk to someone who had struggled with himself, and emerged victorious. Such a person is nearly impossible to find. Because of the level of shame LDS men feel at the idea of being sexually attracted to men, they do not advertise that they have won the battle. To declare victory publicly is to declare that a battle took place.
I want this site to serve as a place where men can come and ask questions. I want them to feel like they are safe here. This is a place to find love of those who have gone before, and want to lend a hand to those who have chosen the same path, but may not be having an easy time going down their chosen path. I also want this to be a resource for those who are trying to understand the situation of someone they care about. It is often not an easy thing to articulate or explain to those who haven’t had the same experiences. Since gaining the experiences first hand is not something that many wish to undertake, I offer a retelling of my story as a way to understand in some small part, without having to experience.
I need to make it clear that I am not trying to convince anyone that they should make one choice or another. I am simply here to support those men who have made the decision to not have sex with men. I have a number of friends who are gay, and have no intention of changing that. I love them, but their choices are theirs. So long as we show deference to one another, we can be friends and disagree on momentous issues.
I am not here to debate. I do that in real life. I am not here to judge. I don’t have that right. I am not here to tell people what to do. Only to support them in their choice to overcome something they feel is not as it should be.
For all those who would be helped by this site, welcome. Please feel at home here. Anonymity is a priority. I will not divulge identifiable data about anyone, and will make sure none is revealed by anyone else.
Thank you for visiting. If this is the last time we see you, I wish you well on your journey. If you decide to visit again, I look forward to hearing from you.