Regression to the mean

It’d be really nice if  this was simply a theory piece about the practical application of the statistical phenomenon in the title, and its psychological impact on addiction.  Unfortunately, this is one of those pieces I write after I’ve relapsed.

There is plenty on the theory available online, Here, Here and Here for example. But the simple idea is that when something extremely good happens, it is most likely to be followed by something less extreme.  This is most typically true of events that are random in nature, but the idea can be used elsewhere. Continue reading


Transforming Shame into Courage

A couple of weeks ago I met with my therapist, and he showed me a video of a woman named Brené Brown.  In her presentation she talked about our society’s intolerance for vulnerability, and I saw a lot of my life in what she was saying.  I started thinking about how I have sought interactions with men online that have virtually no risk of vulnerability. Continue reading


I’ve been thinking about this term for a long time.  I’ve been called a hypocrite by a number of people.  Interestingly, it has almost always been by those are mad at me for trying to bring my life in line with my values, not by those who are mad that I’ve strayed from them.  As the linguist that I am, I decided I should really look into the term, and what it means to decide if I am indeed a hypocrite.

The definition that I’ve found that I’ll use as the basis of our discussion is “a false show of having a virtuous character, that one does not really have.” Continue reading

A bit of tweaking, a bit of tinkering, a bit of forgiving myself.

I didn’t want to fill out this relapse prevention sheet.  I wanted to just pretend that nothing had happened, but then I admitted that it was out of denial.  Since I’m told that denial is a bad thing, I decided that I was going to face the things that I did that were not wise, and write the sheet to help me get back on track.  I didn’t put every detail on the sheet.  I omitted a few things, but I’ve not omitted them to myself or the Lord.  Not putting them here is more an act of having boundaries, and less one of trying to hide. Continue reading

Best Relapse Ever

So, I understand that the title of this post is a bit odd.  I am not talking about the quality of the activities in which I engaged during the relapse, but rather that the rebound from the relapse has borne more insight than any that have preceded it.  I would suppose that it is a sign of my increasing mental and emotional health that I am able to see things as I do right now. Continue reading

Running the Marathon

I’ve never been a distance runner.  I’ve always been a sprinter, and not a great one at that.  My body is not built to run, and so I’ve never really gotten into that sport.  I’m built for leverage, and for power.  Unfortunately, all of my training has been for short battles after which I could collapse and recuperate.  Wrestling takes a lot of conditioning, but certainly not the kind that I need for my current battle.

My therapist has commented that when one is running a marathon, and trips, one does not start at the beginning, but simply stands up, and continues to run.  This last weekend, I tripped.  I was then trampled by the other runners in the race.  I was left bloodied and broken on the pavement, wishing that I had never even registered for the race, much less shown up and started running. Continue reading