Surprise, Surprise

As it turns out, my worst fear was not realized.  In fact, courage led to things getting easier, rather than harder.  Was it difficult, sure, but as the initial reactions faded, life started to take less energy, and I was able to move on.

If that all seems vague, it is.  Allow me to explain. Continue reading


Regression to the mean

It’d be really nice if  this was simply a theory piece about the practical application of the statistical phenomenon in the title, and its psychological impact on addiction.  Unfortunately, this is one of those pieces I write after I’ve relapsed.

There is plenty on the theory available online, Here, Here and Here for example. But the simple idea is that when something extremely good happens, it is most likely to be followed by something less extreme.  This is most typically true of events that are random in nature, but the idea can be used elsewhere. Continue reading

A bit of tweaking, a bit of tinkering, a bit of forgiving myself.

I didn’t want to fill out this relapse prevention sheet.  I wanted to just pretend that nothing had happened, but then I admitted that it was out of denial.  Since I’m told that denial is a bad thing, I decided that I was going to face the things that I did that were not wise, and write the sheet to help me get back on track.  I didn’t put every detail on the sheet.  I omitted a few things, but I’ve not omitted them to myself or the Lord.  Not putting them here is more an act of having boundaries, and less one of trying to hide. Continue reading

Running the Marathon

I’ve never been a distance runner.  I’ve always been a sprinter, and not a great one at that.  My body is not built to run, and so I’ve never really gotten into that sport.  I’m built for leverage, and for power.  Unfortunately, all of my training has been for short battles after which I could collapse and recuperate.  Wrestling takes a lot of conditioning, but certainly not the kind that I need for my current battle.

My therapist has commented that when one is running a marathon, and trips, one does not start at the beginning, but simply stands up, and continues to run.  This last weekend, I tripped.  I was then trampled by the other runners in the race.  I was left bloodied and broken on the pavement, wishing that I had never even registered for the race, much less shown up and started running. Continue reading

Relapse Prevention Sheet

The post on my last relapse was one that I didn’t really want to write, but it seemed necessary.  (I don’t like to relapse.)  I was hopeful when I wrote it though.  I really felt that by doing the things in my action plan, that I would be able to stave off further relapses.  So far it has had not only that effect, but has helped me to feel better about myself in general. (This is no small feat, given my unemployment, and accompanying glut of free time.)

There have been a couple of things that have been particularly helpful.  One of them is the Relapse Prevention Sheet.  Continue reading