Endowment


These are the ties that bind
But I don’t know what that means.
Initiated into another realm, I felt more alone.
An outsider granted entrance, but not really sure why.
Novelty and unfamiliarity contrasting with not knowing if I felt what I should.
Part of the club, not knowing the rules
Guessing at what it should mean.
I trusted those who went before, in spite of the secrets I keep.
And standing between pavement and sky
Each black, silent and cold
I raised my eyes and spoke to the stars.
One more promise
One I’d made and broken a thousand times
One I break a thousand times more.

 

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One thought on “Endowment

  1. Becoming a member of the church while knowing full well I was gay, it was one of the hardest things I could do, because I knew it would be exactly like this going in.
    That being said, it is the best thing to happen in my life. Feeling the perfect love of Christ is worth it. It is worth every sorrow, every heartbreak, every relapse.
    I have recently been not going to church, because I feel guilty and shameful for my broken promise. It is not that anyone is telling me that I am a sinner, I don’t need anyone to tell me things I already know, nor would I care if they did. I do know, that I made a promise, a promise I have broken countless times.
    I also know that the atonement of the savior is infinite, and everlasting. There is no way to fall down too far. Always it is there.
    As I have been reading these articles, this is the one I return to, because I know what it is like. Some with your background would call a person like me insane, however, I am only human and know I make mistakes. I simply refuse to give into the newer social norms that seem to cause more loneliness and heartbreak for everyone, claiming that wickedness, is happiness.

    I hope you have been well. You are a wonderful man, and I respect you. You are not alone in your struggles.

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