To be unique is often a characteristic we strive to have.  We don’t want to be the same as everyone else.  In spite of our need to be connected to other human beings, we want to be our own person.  And yet being unique can also be a plague.  Loneliness can be crippling.  The confluence of success and uniqueness makes us believe that our uniqueness is a wonderful thing, but when we are unique and are not sucessful, we only feel alone.

I am a unique individual.

There are 6,602,224,175 humans on earth.

Of those, 3,323,608,139 are male.

Going a little further, I am an American.  That means that I am one of 151,266,882 American males.

I’m white, which reduces the number to one in  120,952,999 white American males.

I’m Mormon.  Assuming the percentages withing the church are similar to those of the US population at large, I am one of 2,983,319 white American male members of the LDS Church.

I graduated from BYU.  This makes me even more unique, as I am one of only approximately 176,400 White LDS American males with a bachelor’s from BYU.

I have a master’s degree.  Assuming that BYU has the same proportion of their graduates getting the type of degree that I did as the rest of the country, I am one of 5,811

I have engaged in sexual activity with men.  Assuming that those who have the degrees I have are proportionally representative of the nation at large, I am one of between 116 and 581.

I’ve avoided anything that would identify me personally, using only information and statistics that can be found online, and yet I’ve been able to classify myself into a group of individuals comprising from .00000176% and .00000880% of the population.

Some of my rarity has been through birth.  I had no choice as to my race, gender, or even where I was born.  I did have the choice to become Mormon, and I had the choice to study at BYU as well as to get my Master’s degree.  Each of these were choices that if I had the chance to make them again, I would. (well, the school part is questionable…….. 🙂   )

The last point of differentiation is not one that I would choose again.  I count it as a failure on my part. (before my gay friends fume too much, keep reading)  It is a failure on my part to live my life and make choices in accordance with the things I believe.  For those who do not believe the same things as I do, I do not expect they would share my view on the subject.  That being said, I would expect them to understand it, given the near constant pleading for tolerance of their choices. (I may go into detail on my thoughts on that later.)

There is one final point of differentiation I plan to add.  Even more rare than a gay mormon american man with a bachelors BYU and a Master’s degree, is a formerly gay mormon american man with a bachelors BYU and a Master’s degree.  This is a differentiator of which I will be proud, but that I will not be able to share.  While Keanu Reeves may think that chicks dig scars (yes, that is a reference to The Replacements), there are some that we prefer to never show.

Do you have a scar that you need to show someone but can’t?  I know this is set up for helping those trying to understand homosexuality in the context of mormonism, but it seems like I should be willing to be there for anyone reading who needs to talk to someone about anything.  Please let me know if you need someone to talk to. Email me, Chat with me on twitter or friend me on facebook


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