I’ve been wanting to write about my battle to overcome homosexuality for quite a while, but hadn’t come up with a good way to do it. I didn’t want to write in any sort of forum where my name would be attached to my writing. Even though I believe fully that the Lord will forgive me for the things I’ve done, I don’t have nearly that much faith in my fellow man. I will be divulging some of the worst things I’ve done. One could claim I’m airing out my dirty laundry in the most public forum there is. Be that as it may, there is a good reason why I’m doing this. Several, actually. I’ve searched for information about those who have made the journey out of homosexuality, and frankly, I couldn’t really find them. This is not to say that there are no cases where someone has indeed made the transition, but more that once one does, they seldom make it known that such a transition has taken place. I would imagine that this is because to acknowledge the transition is to make public that it was needed, and as I said, the Lord is forgiving, not all members of His family are.
To be clear, this is about my experiences. This is not a generality, this is not someone speculating, and this is not to be taken as a statement of doctrine (though I will be stating doctrine from time to time). This is what I went through. I, like many others (I assume) would prefer to be able to simply forget everything I’ve done and move forward. Unfortunately, I’ve not been able to do that yet. In fact, I still struggle with gay pornography and masturbation.
As the subtitle of the blog implies, this is about my journey out. That journey isn’t over yet. I’m still working on it. I have full faith that I will emerge, I’m just not there yet. One of the reasons I’m starting this project is to keep my prior sins burned in my memory. This is not to say that I wish to relish in or relive them, but rather that I’ll remember the things I’ve done so as to serve as a means of keeping my guard up, as complacency seems to lead me back to my path of least resistance, namely fantasizing about gay sex.
My hope is that others will find my writings, and they will be of use to them in their journey. I imagine that there will be others who find my writings who will be offended by what I write. While I am sorry that my words offend them, I will not apologize for the doctrine of Christ, or his church. It must be said that my writings are an embodiment only of my perception of those doctrines, as I can know no other perception but my own. I may express the doctrine inaptly at times. For this I will apologize, both to those who are offended by my inapt expression, but more importantly, to Him whose doctrine it is, and also to those who as a result of my inapt expression are kept from Him.
This blog constitutes my testimony of the gospel of Christ. Were it not for the truthfulness of the gospel and the church which embodies it, I would not be where I am now. Had I not the understanding of theology and the nature of God and life that I have, I would no longer be in this world. I would have departed a number of years ago.
I pray that this project is helpful to someone out there struggling to overcome what can seem insurmountable, but if not, I’ll write this for me. Even if I am the only person helped by this blog, it will be worth it. Just as Abraham could not be the father of nations without Rebekah, I cannot achieve my full potential without a spouse, which is precluded by this proclivity. In a way, helping me will enable the lives of countless individuals who are waiting to be my posterity. It is for them, me and all of God’s children struggling to live the way they believe to be in line with the will of God that I write this blog.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.